This past few days (weeks/months/years) I have mostly been distracted from writing ... thinking about 'being'.
I am much indebted to Caitlin Moran for this insight! The few evenings and (stolen) mornings I have spent reading her text have been far more enlightening than years of therapy (cheaper too). For a long time I have accepted that I am something of a dreamer, as well as an expert procrastinator but it wasn't until I got to the end of Moran's brilliant, somewhat confrontational and incredibly humorous book, 'How To Be A Woman' that I was able to really understand how my infinite capacity to think about BEING rather than actually getting on and DOING is the thing that most categorically holds me trapped in a world of underachievement.
Moran manages to balance a brutal honesty with a gentle compassion for her younger self and every other woman of the western world who has ever, even once, been confused about how to negotiate the contradictory demands and subtly coded confusions of being female; concluding that the fundamental barrier to success for us all is in our distraction with worrying about BEING when we really need to just get on and DO IT!
Just as I did as a teenager, I daydream, debate and deliberate regularly on what kind of a person I want to be; what kind of a wife, mother, daughter, friend, colleague and, increasingly, what kind of a writer I want to be.
As for being a writer, well ... this is the critical bit. This, for me, is about nurturing the potential for me to forge future achievement and success. I have wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. It is a dream, an ambition, that has distracted me from my 'real' life for the last twenty years. I have slowly (ok VERY slowly) begun to explore and come to terms with what BEING a writer means. Could it be that if I had spent as much time actually getting on with it as I have pondering what I will wear and say at the 'awards', I might have actually written something worth reading by now? Moran's right, I need to stop worrying about being a writer and just get on and do it!